1 a.m. Feeding:
Oh, hi baby Ferris! Are you a hungry boy? Yes you are, aren’t you? Let’s just change that diaper quickly. Oh, don’t cry, it’s ok. Just changing your diaper. There, there little guy, it’s ok.
Ok, let’s see, I remember, we’re on the left this time. Here you go buddy! Wow, nursing is such a magical! special! experience. I’m so happy I’ve been able to do this with my boys. How wonderful. So good for me, so good for them, yay breastfeeding!
Let’s just check my email while you eat, and see if it’s my turn on Words with Friends.
All done now? Ok. Let’s swaddle you up nice and tight, lay you down…there you go buddy, love you! Do you need the paci? Here you go. You silly boy, you dropped the paci, here you go again.
3 a.m. Feeding:
Let’s see…Ferris, is it? Hungry again? Ok, I’m up. Let’s check your diaper. Don’t cry, it’s ok. Did I even manage to get all the poo off of you? Oh well, we’ll see in the morning.
Ok, which side are we on? Thank goodness for this iPad app. Ok, here you go. If you need me, I’ll be playing this mindless game.
Done, finally. Ok, let me just half-assed swaddle you up here. There you go, goodnight. Oh, right, the paci. Here you go. Did you drop it? zzzzzzz……
5 a.m. Feeding:
What? Where am I? Is that…a baby crying? Oh right, I had another baby. Sounds like he’s hungry. Can I get away with not changing him? Can I get Brien to change him? Bah, I’ll just do it.
Ok, I didn’t get all the poo off last time, let me try again this time. And your butt is all red now, let me just put on some of this…damn, I got ointment all over the place! Ok, let me just wipe this off of your knee. And your elbow. And your face. And my face. Let me get a diaper out. Oh, I already got a diaper out, never mind, I’ll just fasten this one on you. Ugh, why are these diaper tabs giving me such a hard time?! Stop crying buddy, or you’ll wake your brother up and we’ll all be miserable. Ok, screw buttoning up the onesie, I’ll take care of it while you eat. Gotta get you to stop crying.
What side were we on? They’re both super full and sore. Well, whatever the app says, I guess. Here you go.
Nursing is so HARD. Why does it HURT so much?! How long is it like this? How long was it with Bowie? I can’t remember. I can’t even remember what day it is today. What day is it today? Do we have to be up? No, we can sleep. Should I play some totally mindless game while I wait? Nah, I can’t even keep my eyes open. I’ll just close them a little, I won’t fall asleep…zzzzzzzz…GAH, I just almost fell over falling asleep. Ok, eyes open, EYES OPEN.
Ok, done. Now let me attempt a swaddle here. Only one arm is out, good enough. There you go. Wait, I forgot to button the onesie. Second attempt at a swaddle. Both arms out. Whatever.
Please go back to sleep. Please, please please. If you sleep, I can sleep. For just another hour, ok buddy? Ok? Please? Please?