Typical Night

1 a.m. Feeding:

Oh, hi baby Ferris! Are you a hungry boy? Yes you are, aren’t you? Let’s just change that diaper quickly. Oh, don’t cry, it’s ok. Just changing your diaper. There, there little guy, it’s ok. 

Ok, let’s see, I remember, we’re on the left this time. Here you go buddy! Wow, nursing is such a magical! special! experience. I’m so happy I’ve been able to do this with my boys. How wonderful. So good for me, so good for them, yay breastfeeding!

Let’s just check my email while you eat, and see if it’s my turn on Words with Friends. 

All done now? Ok. Let’s swaddle you up nice and tight, lay you down…there you go buddy, love you! Do you need the paci? Here you go. You silly boy, you dropped the paci, here you go again.

3 a.m. Feeding:

Let’s see…Ferris, is it? Hungry again? Ok, I’m up. Let’s check your diaper. Don’t cry, it’s ok. Did I even manage to get all the poo off of you? Oh well, we’ll see in the morning. 

Ok, which side are we on? Thank goodness for this iPad app. Ok, here you go. If you need me, I’ll be playing this mindless game.

Done, finally. Ok, let me just half-assed swaddle you up here. There you go, goodnight. Oh, right, the paci. Here you go. Did you drop it? zzzzzzz……

5 a.m. Feeding:

What? Where am I? Is that…a baby crying? Oh right, I had another baby. Sounds like he’s hungry. Can I get away with not changing him? Can I get Brien to change him? Bah, I’ll just do it. 

Ok, I didn’t get all the poo off last time, let me try again this time. And your butt is all red now, let me just put on some of this…damn, I got ointment all over the place! Ok, let me just wipe this off of your knee. And your elbow. And your face. And my face. Let me get a diaper out. Oh, I already got a diaper out, never mind, I’ll just fasten this one on you. Ugh, why are these diaper tabs giving me such a hard time?! Stop crying buddy, or you’ll wake your brother up and we’ll all be miserable. Ok, screw buttoning up the onesie, I’ll take care of it while you eat. Gotta get you to stop crying. 

What side were we on? They’re both super full and sore. Well, whatever the app says, I guess. Here you go.

Nursing is so HARD. Why does it HURT so much?! How long is it like this? How long was it with Bowie? I can’t remember. I can’t even remember what day it is today. What day is it today? Do we have to be up? No, we can sleep. Should I play some totally mindless game while I wait? Nah, I can’t even keep my eyes open. I’ll just close them a little, I won’t fall asleep…zzzzzzzz…GAH, I just almost fell over falling asleep. Ok, eyes open, EYES OPEN.

Ok, done. Now let me attempt a swaddle here. Only one arm is out, good enough. There you go. Wait, I forgot to button the onesie. Second attempt at a swaddle. Both arms out. Whatever.

Please go back to sleep. Please, please please. If you sleep, I can sleep. For just another hour, ok buddy? Ok? Please? Please?


Annoying Neighbors

There’s this bird that lives in the general vicinity of our backyard. Or else he just likes to hang out here. A LOT.

This bird is very talented, and he can imitate a multitude of noises that he hears around him. His favorite noises to make are car alarm noises and the sound of a garbage truck backing up.

This is all fine and well, and fairly amusing and impressive. But, when he’s going full force right outside of our bedroom windows in the morning, I’m driven to do something I normally would never do: shoot something with a gun. Shoot something dead.

Because, we’re not talking 7 a.m., 6 a.m. or even 5 a.m. We’re talking TWO A.M. here people. He wakes us all up at 2 or 3 a.m. and then the cats and the kid think it’s time to get up, because the birds are chirping after all!

I really hope this birdie finds a new home. Fast. Or maybe the Lady Kitty will catch and eat him. One can only hope.

Turning Off the White Noise

My brain decided it was time to be awake at about 4:30 a.m. this morning. I often wake up one or two times during the night, so it wasn’t a big surprise. What really surprised me though, was how awake I was.

I tried and tried to fall back asleep, because I was still very tired physically. But I could not turn off my brain! My mind was bouncing around like a ping pong ball.

Part of this is from my famous excessive worrying problem, and it’s not the first time I haven’t been able to fall asleep because I was worried about something. But this IS the first time I couldn’t fall back asleep at 4:30 a.m. and I didn’t have a specific worry item keeping me up. Just basic worry.

I wasn’t worried about a biggie like a job interview or paying a bill or a sick kid or anything worthy of staying awake at that ungodly hour. I was worried I’d forget to thaw meat for tonight’s dinner. And had I forgotten to sweep the living room? And I wonder how I should dress Bowie for preschool today. THIS is what my mind wanted to do at 4:30 this morning.

What strategies do you use to calm the worries, shut off your brain for the night, and fall asleep (or back to sleep)?

Photo credit: mconnors from morguefile.com

Not Sure How I’m Moving Right Now

Our evening:

9:55pm In a homemade margarita haze, we decide to let Bowie jump around on the bed while we finish up NBC Thursday night TV.

10:00pm Bowie lays down with his milk.

10:10pm Bowie demands more milk. More milk procured.

10:20pm Bowie wanders in demanding to be held. He is ushered back to bed, calmed down, falls asleep.

11:00pm Apprentice is over, TV off, we try to sleep.

12:00am Hubbs work calls with a big emergency. He flips on his lamp and types away. I try to snooze, but it’s not really happening.

The next couple of hours are a bit of a blur. Bowie was up and down a few times, telling me, “Mama I don’t feel.” As in, don’t feel good, because we all have a cold right now. I soothe him back to sleep a number of times.

2:30am Work problem (somewhat) resolved, lights off again. Both of us are now wide awake. We discuss random thoughts including new David Sedaris books and new Weezer albums.

3:00am Velcro [kitteh #2] is meowing at the door. Loudly. We don’t usually let her in when she comes in the middle of the night but we thought, hey, whatever.

3:01am Brien: “Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.” Darts around the room. “There’s a mouse in here.”

3:02am We avoid mouse cooties and shuffle the (now obvious to us he was injured by our cat) mouse out the door. He tried to run back in, but with one last WHACK! with a book to the head from the Hubbs, he was outside again, and I am then worried about the mouse, that poor brain damaged mouse I hope he’s ok.

4:ooam About the time we’re both able to fall back asleep.

6:00am Bowie wakes up. Because that’s when he always wakes up.

6:05am Bowie lays in our bed, kicking and punching.

6:15am I take Bowie to the living room so Hubbs can sleep. I attempt to snooze while Bowie watches some TV (Parent of the Year, right here).

7:30am Hello world, meet the Wankels. All three with a cold and like, 3 hours of sleep. Today should totally rock.

End of Naps?

We’re phasing out Bowie’s nap.

Before you write me off as a total masochist, you must understand, this was in response to our days beginning at 4am and ending at 10pm. The kid (read: mommy and daddy) needed his sleep to be during the dark hours. It just seemed like his schedule needed some outside help.

This transition has certainly not been without its troubles. Every day he’s in a different mood, and I have to try to assess whether he needs a quick snooze or not. Usually of four things happens:

1. He takes a short nap right after lunch, has a good afternoon and goes to bed on time.

2. He doesn’t take a nap at all, has an okay afternoon, falls asleep in his high chair eating dinner and thusly goes to bed early. And gets up early the next morning.

3. He acts like he doesn’t need a nap, but then falls asleep late in the afternoon on his bedroom floor or the couch or my lap and I have to wake him up, guaranteeing myself a crappy afternoon.

4. He acts like he needs a nap and asks to lay down in his crib, but then doesn’t nap, has a terrible afternoon, and screams and cries until bed time.

Today is shaping up to be a number 4. But, promisingly, yesterday was kind of a 2, but he stayed up until his regular bedtime. Making me think, he’s getting this. Maybe? Hopefully?

When did your children stop napping? Was it on their own, or did you have to help?

If we look sleepy…

…this is why.

I have a confession to make. Bowie has not slept through the night in about 2 months. And it’s not teething, and it’s not hunger, and it’s not noise (well, not all the time, because, well, THREE PETS). We’ve tried to remedy all those problems, and it still seems to be happening.

At first, we gave him more milk, and he drifted back to sleep. Then, that didn’t always work. He was cutting molars at that point, so we’d give him Tylenol and rock him back to sleep. Then that stopped working. So, then we were rocking him, laying him back down then rubbing his tummy or head until he fell back asleep, and then slooooowly tip toeing out the door, careful to step over the creaky board.

On a desperate night, we’d bring him into bed with us. I say desperate because, a toddler moves in their sleep the way they do awake: NON STOP. Kiddo might sleep, but you won’t. Plus, we’ve been mighty turned off of co-sleeping having heard one horror story after another about the six year old that refuses to sleep in their own bed. No thanks. But, sometimes when you’re holding a screaming toddler at 3 in the morning, you don’t do the most rational thing, just what seems the easiest in the short run.

Last night we found out that’s not working anymore either. I did the rocking-rubbing-sneaking combo three times, and he still woke up. I was determined not to bring him into bed, but then my husband and I lay awake in bed together in irritated silence and I was like, “okay, I’m bringing him in here.”


And, to top it all off, I get these developmental emails each month telling me what’s normal, what we should watch for, what kiddo should be able to do, etc. And it says this is all normal. NORMAL. And it can last for a whole year. YEAR.

I think it’s payback for all the times I bragged that Bowie slept through the night at 3 months.