Writer’s Block. Or Maybe Not.

I’ve been sitting here for weeks trying to suss out a full post on something, anything. There’s a suggestion for bloggers to just write what’s on their mind. But I don’t want to write about Donald Trump, or how much I miss San Francisco, or how much 2016 has sucked and I can’t wait for it to be over. I don’t want to write about how my sobriety has been on my mind more in the past month than in my first 17 months. And it actually gives me anxiety when I go to play a word like “gin” or “wine” or “beer” in Words With Friends. Like, what does it mean? What does it all mean?!

And I already wrote about the Cubs. (Woot.)

So, what else can I talk about?

The boys are doing great in school. Ferris can write his name! We thought we totally dropped a parenting ball with that one. By the time Bowie was his age, he knew his alphabet and was curious about words and loved to read. (I have Super Why to credit with that mostly. But still.) Ferris didn’t know any letters and wasn’t curious and liked listening to books, but wasn’t overall interested. But now he writes his name! And he’s curious! And he has some favorite books! Big relief.

The holidays are coming. It’s not a time of year that an alcoholic necessarily looks forward to all that much, it’s actually the most common time of year for relapses and is just really difficult for a lot of us. Many an AA birthday happen in January, a time of rebirth and resolution. And I’ve never had that soft spot for Christmas that most people have. Last year we never even bothered to put up a tree. Our neighborhood go-to tree lot wasn’t open last year, and we just shrugged and gave up. And you know what? It was fine. Plus we’re not “Christian”, so it’s not like my boys are missing out on something “normal” or whatever. But, I digress. What I was going to say at the beginning of this paragraph is that I’m staying positive about the holidays. It’s our first holiday season in this house. When we looked at the house it was only March, but we could practically see the Christmas lights dangling from the cactus in the front. It’s going to be fun.

My mom is coming for Thanksgiving, and I also invited some friends, and if we want a traditional feast, I’m going to have to figure out how to throw one. My first turkey. I’m anxious about it already. Just thinking about all the details makes me wonder how in God’s name my mother-in-law always pulls it off without a hitch. But we’ll figure it out.

There’s a big neighborhood craft fair in a month. When I first heard about it, I panicked, and decided I wouldn’t join, I haven’t done a craft fair in such a long time, and I didn’t need that kind of stress. But a few days ago, I got a bee in my bonnet and ordered a bunch of candle making stuff online. And in a daze, I emailed the organizer and said that yes, I’d love to join. I have fun doing the fairs (even though the prep stresses me out) and I can get to know some of the neighbors while making a little money. Win-win.

I got a part time job. I went back to Old Navy. I worked there for a few years in college, and I liked it. So, when I saw that they needed seasonal help, I applied figuring I’d be a shoe-in. I’m working mostly early mornings, so I’m done by 9 a.m. and can still take care of the boys and the house and volunteer at the cat shelter and go to AA meetings. It sounds like I’ve taken on a lot when I write it down, but really it’s not that much. No one thing takes up a whole lot of my time, so I have space for it all. It keeps me busy and keeps my mind from going to mush.

Bowie has started piano lessons. It’s been a long time coming. He’s had a few lessons here and there from me, and from his old school, but nothing serious. He was so excited about his first lesson, he told all kinds of people at school about it. And kid loves music, I think he will just bloom. I started when I was about his age and it was always such a wonderful part of my life. I hope he gets that same fulfillment.

I binge watched Friends on Netflix, start to finish. And now I’m alternating between Gilmore Girls and Mysteries of Laura. I keep finding Netflix originals that I adore, but there’s only one season, and grrrl, I can get through that in a couple of days. What old shows to you re-watch? I’m thinking of throwing some 30 Rock in there.

I’m not the world’s biggest Leonard Cohen fangirl, but I certainly did like his music and poetry. Hallelujah is on my list of top 10 favorite songs of all time. Even though it always makes me cry. I’ve been listening to it several times a day since I heard that he had passed. And that SNL cold open where Kate McKinnon sang it…goosebumps.

Peace and love and happy Thanksgiving, friends!

xoxo

Some Tidbits

I couldn’t come up with a whole post, so here’s some Cliff’s Notes on things right now.

1.Ferris is having trouble adjusting to his new school. Every morning at drop off it’s like I’m leaving him forever and moving to Venus. He cries and carries on, and I have to slither out of the gate while a teacher holds him back. It sucks. It has been better lately, but it still sucks. He is used to the co-op where I worked there at least one day a week, usually more, and I’m not there at all now, plus he’s there for twice the amount of time each day than he used to be. I could get him at noon if I wanted to, but I’m trying to be tough, it’s better for both of us. It’s a good school, I know he’s in good hands, and he’s always in a good mood when I pick him up. If we could just get the drop off to go a little more smoothly. Open to suggestions.

2. Bowie was made to leave school early on Thursday because he was gesturing at other kids with scissors and then with a sharpened pencil. So many things about the situation bother me. But mainly 1. While there is no excuse for behavior that puts other kids in danger, I know that often he does it because he is being provoked in some way. And because he is so sensitive, sometimes the provoking is probably pretty subtle, and a teacher doesn’t notice it. But rather than investigate the situation, they just punish him. 2. Sometimes he does this kind of stuff and thinks he’s being funny, and just needs it explained to him that it’s not funny and he needs to be more respectful. And because he was given a warning after the scissors, and then the pencil thing happened, I have a feeling no one sat him down to have a conversation with him. It’s a small school with a bunch of teachers, it can’t be that hard to have someone sit with him for a minute and hash it out. 3. I understand that a school has rules and we all have to follow them, but it is their responsibility to watch after him while he’s there, and I feel like they dumped the discipline on me, and didn’t do a thing about it. As I said earlier, I doubt anyone had an actual conversation with him, it was more of a robotic response. And sending him home in the middle of the day? That benefits no one. Ugh, in the end I know what he did was wrong and rules are rules. But just, ugh.

3. We got a new kitty! As if life around here weren’t hectic enough, we added to our happy family. His name is Wrigley, and he’s 5 months old, and he loves to play, and he follows Coco around like a big sister. He fits in perfectly with our crazy family, and it makes me feel happy to have adopted an animal. My kitty Nashua who passed away in 2013 was a farm cat, a gift from my Great Aunt. And Coco was found in a tree. So I’ve never done the dirty deed of buying a cat, but I had also never adopted before. And he had just recently been surrendered by someone, and I just felt so bad for him, probably wondering why the heck he ended up there. It’s nice to know we’ve given a deserving animal a good home.

wrigley

4. I am getting more and more used to life here. But the weather still eludes me. When it’s hot, it’s so very hot. And when it rains, it pours and floods the city. And now we’re supposed to pay attention to the dew point to figure out when we need AC. The dew point! I don’t even know what that is, but now for some reason I care about it now. And even when it’s not that hot out, the sun still blazes like nowhere I have ever lived before. So, it’s stay inside, or slather myself in sunscreen like I’m going to the beach. Because, well, melanoma.

5. Go Cubs.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

 

 

 

Some Random Stuff

1. I’m still alive. I realize I haven’t blogged in nearly 4 months. My bad.

2. I’m back now, bigger, better, stronger. I will try not to break the Internet.

3. The sharing article I wrote for PopSugar (YEARS ago) is still making the ’rounds on the webz. While I enjoy a good, open dialogue, and am happy to discuss and answer questions, just know that profanity, insults, and otherwise general harassment will get y’all blocked and banned. Keep it civil, ok? Thank you. *hugs*

4. It’s that time of year again: Season of Scarfing Girl Scout Cookies. Hard. What are your favorite flavors? I’m partial to Samoas. But I do like the Thin Mints too, of course. Who doesn’t? Huz likes the peanut butter chocolate ones, Tagalongs, which are also awesome. What say you?

5. I just got invited to join Ello, and I’m not entirely sure I understand it. Is it for pictures? Is it like other social media sites?

6. Ferris will be officially 2 1/2 mid-March, and I can’t believe how fast he’s picking up on words and phrases right now. His newest gem is, “No more talking anymore!” The Terrible Twos are HERE, folks. HERE. But, somehow, this age is still so fun.

7. Bowie has 3 months left in 1st grade. This is not a year I will miss. (See here.) He’s had a lot of trouble with his sensory issues, and emotional issues, and he’s got a less-than-supportive teacher. But, he’s doing great academically, and I’m focusing on that. Looking forward to some quality time with him this summer, and letting him have some fun in summer camps.

8. Is there a tea you just LUUUURVE and can’t get enough of? Looking to expand my already sagging shelf of teas. I’m familiar with Harney & Sons and Kusmi, let me know your favorite flavors. My every-morning go-to is Stash’s Double Bergamot Earl Grey, what other great Earl Greys are out there?

9. We just joined a gym for the first time, and I always feel incredibly disorganized and awkward as I stand in front of my locker and scramble for stuff. Do you have any tips or handy items that help you stay organized at the gym? Also, what are your favorite machines or activities that your gym offers?

Many thanks for sticking with me through this quiet time. Have a great week!

 

 

 

This Just In

Random thoughts from my brain tonight:

1. Money sucks. Worrying about money sucks more.

2. I think the baby is sick again. I thought it was the same cold he’s had for a week, but today he seemed sicker, and I think he got sick again before he ever actually got well. See also: think he might be teething.

3. Make a list of things that bother you. About life on Earth in general. Now, cross off that list things that have never actually affected you on a personal level, double cross off things that are unlikely to ever affect you in the future. Then you’ll have your list of things you should *actually* care about and do something about.

4. I own exactly two t-shirts that fit me. And the weather’s starting to get nice here again. Where are the short sleeved shirts, retailers? WHERE ARE THEY?!

5. The kiddos at preschool sing this song every January, ALL January. And it’s a hell of an earworm. Now it will be in your head too. You’re welcome!

 

Things I care about right now

1. The crosswalk in front of Bowie’s school. It’s been a mega hazard ever since we moved back into the new building a year ago. And for some reason, the city of San Francisco is being a bunch of douche nozzles about having a guy come out and paint us a more visible crosswalk and/or trimming the tree that blocks the stop sign on the corner. Yesterday, my son was literally almost hit by a car as we crossed the street. So, I wanted the better crosswalk before, but now THIS MAMA BEAR IS PISSED.

2. The weather. It’s been completely effing fantastic here, and I’m not normally one to complain about picture perfect sunny 65 degree days, especially given how much I complained about the fog to you guys last summer. BUT, we haven’t had any rain for maybe 8 months. And we, like, need it and stuff. California is always in need of more rain. So, it’s a little disturbing when our “rainy season” isn’t so much rainy as warm and sunny. Sorry Bay Area folks, I’ll be the one you see on the sidewalk tomorrow doing a rain dance.

3. Rick Santorum. I don’t like to get political on Very Bloggy. In fact, I hate it. And I have written and deleted this paragraph like 10 times. All I will say is dude has some pretty crazy ideas for our country that I think even the most conservative of my conservative friends would not like to see happen. So, take it as you will, just do some minor research on him if you’re curious.

4. January clearance sales. I got some kick-ass deals today people. Two shirts at J. Crew for $13? DON’T MIND IF I DO. Get out there, there are such awesome deals to be had.

Things I DON’T care about right now: whether or not Beyonce was actually pregnant, any kind of baked good in a jar, my son’s affinity for juice (there have been some *opinions* lately) and my Klout score.

Have a good week, peeps.

P.S. Sorry for the bloggy dry spell lately, I have no idea what’s going on with my brain these days.

10 Randoms

Because I’m too scatterbrained at the moment to pull together one complete post. And these also happen to be put together in a free association kind of way, no logical order. Enjoy.

1. Don’t forget, if you make and sell goods, then you can be featured on the SocialMoms Facebook page. Just email me a link for your store or product, and I’ll check it out! You get a full week with your product featured on the Shop tab. It’s great exposure! (Pssst…I am the moderator for the Shop page, so it’s kind of a done deal if you contact me, FYI.)

2. I need to hear from people who had a three year old that wasn’t potty trained yet. Just for my sanity. Because there’s only a tiny shred left. If I have to mop up one more pee puddle…  So, THIS is why God invented wine.

3. I kind of feel like I could be having PMS. Which would mean, period imminent. Which is great news, since I’m probably the most anxious-to-be-pregnant-again woman in the history of time. Wish us luck as we embark on this scary, exciting roller coaster ride.

4. I am over the moon that Jane Pratt is back in the saddle. Were you a fan of the magazine? Then check out her new site: http://www.xojane.com/.

5. Summer in San Francisco is cloudy, foggy and grey. It’s already mid-May, and we’re still having rainy days. I think our winter and our summer are going to blend together into one depressing, sunless season, completely bypassing spring. Though, at least we aren’t getting snow. Or floating away down the Mississippi river.

6. The preschool, God love ’em, is having literally their third bake sale SO FAR THIS MONTH this coming Saturday. I’m baked out, people! I didn’t even like it that much anyway, now I loathe it. At least I’m getting better at it, I suppose. And the school year is over in T-minus 17 days.

7. Speaking of baking, I had some zucchini sitting in my fridge, a recent impulse buy from our delivery service, and it was starting to turn. I have never successfully made a loaf of good zucchini bread, so CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. I made this recipe from the always lovely Smitten Kitchen, and it was pretty good. That one, I kept for us. The school got my mediocre carrot muffins.

8. Bowie is obsessed with Cars. And when I say obsessed, I mean OBSESSED. But, the resourceful little ball of adorableness doesn’t have an actual Lighting McQueen to play with, so he carries around any red Matchbox race car he can. And, he has dubbed some of his other Matchbox cars to be other characters in the movie. It’s amazing, his ingenuity. If only we could keep that kind of simplistic satisfaction as adults.

9. Can we take a minute to talk about the latest news with Arnie? It’s funny, I think when the news of his “secret baby” broke, everyone in California went, “Oh yeah, well that’s Arnie.” The rest of the world is shocked. His disappointed constituents? Well, we feel like we should have known it all along.

10. I’d love to tell you the miscarriage was a distant memory, but it’s not. I know I just wrote about how awesome I was feeling, but right after I published that post, I had a string of terrible days. I float back and forth between hope and despair, sometimes within a range of five minutes. People keep telling me that one of these days, the bad days will be fewer and farther between. We’ll get there.