I Wish I Had Good News

But I don’t.

The lymph node they removed on Monday tested positive for cancer.

I have cancer.

I mean, we all knew that already, melanoma is cancer. Even if they take the malignant mole, and that’s the end of it, you still had cancer. But, it sort of didn’t really sink in until the surgeon was like, yep, cancer.

I am in a bit of shock. And deeply immersed in the Anger/Depression stage of dealing with things. I probably shouldn’t even be blogging about it yet. But, I wanted to keep everyone up on this.

So. Many. People. are coming forward with stories of their mother, daughter, sister, uncle, brother, grandma, father that had the same situation going on, and has been cancer free for a long time. Which is reassuring. But, my case is still my individual case, and the future is uncertain for me right now.

I do NOT do well with uncertain futures.

All I know right now is that, at the very least, they’re going to go back into my leg and, to quote the surgeon, “clean it out.” That is, take the remaining lymph nodes, and see how those look. There could be other stuff, but that’s on the plate for sure.

And recovering from a surgery while knowing you’re going to have the exact same surgery again in the near future is…disheartening.

I wish I were in a better mood tonight, and like I said, I wish I had better news. But, my bloggy friends, that’s where it stands.

Thanks A MILLION for all the love and support, keep it coming. It means so much to me, and it’s helping me get through my days.

7 comments on “I Wish I Had Good News

  1. ooooooooooooh lady. I am so sorry. I am so sorry. This is so hard. It sounds so scary and terrible, but I am so glad lots of people have good news. I wish there was more I could do, but I am rooting for you, and I want you to know to know that a stranger in the internet is praying for you and pulling for you and scared for you and wrapping you up in my best prayers and hopes and wishes.

  2. so sorry to hear that crappy news Beth 🙁 We re all thinking of you guys; Please let us know if we can help ..

  3. Cancer is a battle. A battle against an uncertain future. A battle against fear. A battle for your life. Sending you awesome thoughts and healing prayers and lots of hope for a very bright future!

  4. I think it would help you to talk to Aunt Stacy. Text me if you want her cell number. Do not ever forget I am exactly one plane ride/telephone call away. I love you so much!

  5. No one goes through life without experiencing both peaks and valleys. We all wish for more peaks, but we know we will face some valleys. Look back to your past valley days and recall the pain, and the well of strength you dropped your bucket into and pulled up a cool drink of water when you thought you would die of thirst. Recall all of your blessings and remember all of the people who love you even when you are far away. And most of all, reach out to the God who loves you even when you are distant, because no matter where you are, HE IS.

  6. I am so sorry – and this totally sucks. I wish I had something witty or silly or inspirational to say, but I don’t. If there’s anything I can do, even if it’s sending you a homemade chocolate cake or something, please let me know.

  7. Oh, Beth. My heart broke when I saw your tweet a few days, and I’m just now reading this.

    Thank you for keeping us updated, but please take care of yourself too.

    Much love.

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