The Blood Glucose Test and Other Current Pregnancy-Related Unpleasantries

Sorry for lack of posting lately, it’s been a little nutty around here. And my top 5 pregnancy gripes of the day (because I know you were dying to read a blog post where someone just whines and complains!):

1. The blood glucose test. MY GOD. I’m so glad that two hours of hell is over with. And I’m crossing my fingers that I pass and don’t need the four hour test like I did with Bowie (damn you, Women’s Center nurse who told me I could eat 2 hours before the test). I got poked 3 times. The first two times were pretty painful, and the second time left a giant bruise, and caused a lot of bleeding. The third time I had a different guy draw the blood, and I didn’t even feel the needle go in. At least I know who to request next time!

2. I can’t sleep. Seriously. I toss and turn. My hormone-marinated brain mulls over the stupidest, tiniest details. My restless legs are twitchy and…well…restless. My heartburn turns to acid reflux and I have to prop myself up in bed. And just when I drift off for a few minutes, I have to pee again. There’s some old adage that says this prepares you for sleepless nights with a newborn, but I can tell you that I categorically slept better when Bowie was a newborn than I am sleeping now.

3. I can’t get my tennis shoes on. Not because my feet are too swollen, but because I literally can’t reach my feet to pull them on and/or actually tie them. I got this pair of shoes to get me through until I have the baby. They’re the least dorktastic Crocs I could find on Zappos, so I think I’m ok with the fact that I own a pair of Crocs now. People keep suggesting that I just wear flip flops, but see, there are two issues with that. Issue #1: I can’t do my own pedicures anymore, and I also can’t afford to/don’t have time to go get one every week. Which you’d have to do, because of the exponential rate at which toenails grow when you’re taking prenatal vitamins. Issue #2: Even though today is the first day of summer and all of that, let me remind you that I live at Ocean Beach in San Francisco, where certain summer days require a parka. Though we have really lucked out lately and it’s been pretty nice. But I’m sure Mother Nature and Karl the Fog are just waiting to yank that rug right out from under our feet.

4. The aforementioned heartburn. It’s terrible. It was terrible with Bowie too, so I guess this is par for the course with my pregnancies. My morning tea gives me heartburn. Ice cream gives me heartburn. If I eat, I get heartburn. If I don’t eat, I get heartburn. And at night, I have the added pleasure of deciding whether to go to bed with my empty-stomach-induced heartburn, or have a snack and go to bed with food-induced heartburn, also risking some reflux. Aka puke. It’s a gas.

5. I can’t ever seem to catch my breath. Walking down the garage stairs to retrieve the mail has turned into an Olympic event I’m highly under-qualified to be competing in. Related: I can’t keep up with my four year old Wad of Boundless Energy. Please don’t let me lose the ability to heave him into the seat of a shopping cart, because God help us all if I have to take that child to a store and let him run free.

But, it’s not all despair and misery. The baby is getting really strong, and is really mobile right now, so I get to feel all those fun kicks and elbow jabs. And it never. gets. old. Am I right? He picks great times to remind me he’s in there too. Like, when the terrible blood drawing lady at the hospital lab is jabbing me. KICK. Hey there mama, thanks for doing this for me!

And, Bowie is in summer school finally, and so far he’s doing really well so I don’t have to hang out there every single day. I’ve had some nice moments of peace and quiet, of which I am soaking up every last drop. When school ended, I was so dismayed to see the whole summer in front of me, but look at me, almost a month in and it hasn’t been bad at all. But still, bring on September ASAP, please and thank you.

Have a great week. I lift my imaginary margarita to you. Cheers!

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