Four

Dear Bowie,

I can’t believe that you’re four years old already. It seems like just yesterday they handed you to me, my wiggly, bleary eyed, puffy, pink little cone-headed dude. And you did not cry, you just lay in my arms and stared at my face as if to say simply, “Hey.”

Now you stand before me with a head of wild blonde hair (that you remind me daily “really needs to be cut again, mama”), wide, green, telling eyes, and a set of super sensitive emotions that at all times are 3 seconds away from unhinging me completely. But, it’s not your fault, I know that now after a lot of struggle and meetings with your preschool teachers. And we’ll get through it together, I promise.

Four years old. FOUR years old. All at once, I am amazed that our little family has come so far, and saddened by how fast it all has zipped by us.

This birthday means so much to mommy too, I think because my earliest grouping of memories, not my very earliest memory, but the time of my life when I can remember more than one thing about, is when I was 4. There’s something very important about that. You’ve grown up enough now that you will remember this time in your life. It has really made me stop and reflect on what I say to you, how I act in front of you, what we do together.

You are this little man all of a sudden, with ideas and opinions and dreams that are 100% your own, and you can tell us all about them now. We’ve really been pushing the idea that you will be the Big Brother in this family, to help keep your mind open and positive when it comes to having a sibling. But truthfully, it took me a few weeks of this to realize that you really are a Big Boy now, no longer a baby, not even a toddler anymore.

Last year, I remarked how you were 1) not yet potty trained; and 2) completely infatuated with the movie Cars and slated to see your first movie in a theater, Cars 2. I’m VERY happy to report that you are now a fully potty trained kiddo, and though I still have to help you every time, I know you’ll get the rest eventually and I will miss these days. You’re also old hat at the movie theater thing now, even seeing 3D movies, glasses and all, picking movie treats and getting angry when people kick the back of your seat.

You have trouble falling asleep at night if mama or daddy are not in the room until you fall asleep. This has bothered me for a good portion of the last year, but I came to realize that this, just like everything else about childhood, will change and I probably won’t even notice when. I know that it’s a habit your little brother is likely to force you to break. But even if that doesn’t force issue, I know that eventually you will be “too” big for it, and will insist we leave you alone. I’m not looking forward to that day, so even if getting my big pregnant body in and out of your little bed is a challenge, I’ll gladly do it. And to be fair, last year I did write to you, “Here’s to another year of snuggling in your bed with you to help you fall asleep.” So, there ya go. Wish granted.

I love you a million zillion times to the moon and back, and then some. Keep growing, keep smiling, keep being everything that makes you Bowie. Happy fourth birthday, Big Brother Bowie.

Love,

Mama

P.S. I recently read that the average 4 year old asks 437 questions a day. I’d say that number seems a bit low…

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