I’m having one of those days. Where I clean up a mess only to turn around and find another one. Where it feels like the house will be messy forever. Where I put a plate of lunch in front of my son, and it sits untouched for 10 minutes when he announces, “I’m hungry!” Where I can’t read a full sentence on my favorite blog without interruptions like “I want bubble gum!”, “I NEED to watch a show!”, “Please cut the green parts off of my strawberries!!!” (I realize that makes me look a little selfish, but after a morning of reading books, playing race cars and running around the park together, I thought maybe I could catch up on a little blog reading before preschool. Alas.)
I also see the summer days ahead of us, not so far away. I’ve got Bowie signed up for summer school, but that is still only 6 of the 12 weeks that comprise the summer months, and we’re not sure if it will even work out for him this year.
And when I’m getting frustrated, and thinking “motherhood is so flipping hard sometimes!”, I get a stirring from my expanding midsection, reminding me that while I have only one child for now, pretty soon there will be two. I used to marvel at the fact that we had made a person. A real, live person. We made one. And now, we have made people. Plural.
While Bowie will eventually move through this needy, demanding, messy preschooler phase, his little brother will be going through it too, at some point. It makes me feel a little defeated. If I can’t learn how to see past the peanut butter smeared on the window and see the humor in it, how on earth will I be able to do this small kid scene for five more years? Five more years.
When I can coax optimistic Beth out of her shell again, she’s telling me that I’m learning this mom thing day by day. That, as unfortunate of a reality as it is, Bowie is the “test child”. The one I make all my mistakes on. The one that will teach me to be a better mom to his brother. The one who is teaching me to let things slide a bit. I’m going to get better at this. We’re going to get better at this.
Somewhere inside, I will find that amazing mom strength that we all have in us. I thought maybe I used it all up with Bowie, but helping him cope with these sensory issues while also being pregnant has shown me that there are infinite reserves available of this mom power. I will get by, I will get through.
Deep breath. I can do this.