Unpleasant, but Important

I just ran across a parentings site forum in which a woman made a case for more openly discussing miscarriage and the chances thereof, only to be accosted by several women telling her how they “just don’t want to think about these kinds of things while I am pregnant, thank you very much.” And “how dare you bring this kind of thing up with a bunch of pregnant women?”

I’m here to tell you, you MUST think about it. Talk about it. Learn about it. It’s a very common occurrence, a very real possibility. Of COURSE we don’t WANT to think about it, it’s unpleasant. But, it’s also a fact of life.

The one thing that still nags at me about my miscarriage was that I, too, just didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t consider it a possibility or a reality. Because no one had sat me down and had a serious talk with me about it.

As a result, I told the blogosphere that I was pregnant at just 7 weeks, and then had to suffer a very public loss of that pregnancy. Granted, it was a hell of a lot easier to come to terms with, having had so many people there to support me and welcome me into the group of survivors. But, it would certainly have felt less humiliating had I just waited it out.

I didn’t know how common it was. I didn’t know it could happen to, yes, even me. And then afterward, I couldn’t figure out why all the moms and doctors and pregnancy experts all kept so quiet about it.

It’s an ugly topic, stuff your nightmares are made of. But, education is your best defense when those nightmares become reality.

Don’t just stick your fingers in your ears and scream “LA LA LA LA LA!” Please don’t be afraid to take pregnancy for everything that it is, the good AND the bad.

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3 Responses to Unpleasant, but Important

  1. Lisa says:

    I think this is true about anything having to do with pregnancy. A co-worker was telling me how when they did their hospital tour, they took the parents to the NICU and how it scared the hell out of his wife to see those tiny babies hooked up to machines. He thought they should have skipped that part, that it did nothing but upset the moms. Well, it’s not just “crack babies” that are born early, so terrifying or not, it CAN happen to anyone. It’s not something one can just ignore.

    Completely agree with you, “education is your best defense when those nightmares become reality.” 100%.

  2. Mindy Steighner says:

    Hi Beth-
    Stopped by to say hello and see what you’re up to. I enjoy following your blog. I too think about my miscarriage often. I see babies who are about the age mine would have been and it sometimes sucks the wind out of me. I’ll never forget her– we are going to plant a tree in our yard this spring in memory of her. We also got a special Christmas ornament in her memory. I like having little ways to remember her (I’ll always suspect it was another girl…) Thinking of you and sending a hug from someone who’s been there :)

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