New Year’s Eve has always enchanted me. The idea that an entire year was past us, and we, the whole wide world, had another opportunity to start fresh. To get it right.
If you’d had a good year, then maybe the next year would be even better. If you’d had a bad year, there was the promise of a good one to come.
Usually this time of year, I do a blog post recapping the year’s highlights. The good, and the not so good. For me, 2011 was pretty much a shit year. One of the coldest and darkest of my life.
January was ok, a quiet month. In February, we went to Hawaii, and then I got pregnant. March was slightly stressful, with me on the committee at the preschool benefit auction. In April, the miscarriage. And then…?
I can’t remember. A string of awful days, with an ok day mixed in every once in a while. Me walking around in a fog of depression, anxiety and the all-consuming and unyielding desire to be pregnant again. Which is kind of like having white noise playing in your head constantly. You can’t think, you can’t concentrate, and with all of the distraction you certainly can’t keep up with everyone around you.
So, I can safely say that this New Year’s, when we move from 2011 to 2012, is probably the most anticipated for me in my entire life. The white noise has been getting a little quieter lately, but I’m hoping a fresh new calendar to work with can help it end for good.
Waking up on January 1st, I know it’s just another day, but I usually feel very differently about it when my feet touch the floor that morning. Sometimes, the concepts of hope and motivation and promise have more power when we’re able to really feel them inside of ourselves. And on the first day of each new year, I feel it in myself. So, here’s to a new year. I need it.
Happy new year, everyone.